Writer's Bloc Series: Beam Me Up, Put Me Down

Writer's Bloc Series Part I: It has been close to two months since I updated, and I realize that while the well is dry, I still have some dusty nuggets left over from a more creative period. These will do little else besides kill time. Chances are they are incomplete, poorly constructed, or just plain crappy. This one was supposed to be released February 20th, 2008. Enjoy?

In my lethargic attempt to provide this blog with the occasional facelift, notice the fun links on the side. If you happened to come to this end of the Internet and want the free publicity, feel free to inquire about getting added. The end.

Just kidding. You would know that though, if you had kept reading. Onward.

War of the Worlds, is a classic work of literature, but, all things considered, not that great of a film. Nothing compared to the bona fide Charlie Sheen classic The Chase anyway, which is currently clogging the cable box. However, I will abuse the plot of War of the Worlds, the film here, rather than The Chase, probably because it is impossible to base a blog on a Kristy Swanson road sex scene. If you can do it, the gauntlet has been thrown down. Prove me wrong.

The most fascinating part of War of the Worlds to me was the concept that extraterrestrials had, at some unknown point in history, burrowed under the surface of the earth, only to emerge at another unknown point in history to wreak havoc upon whatever species happened to be piddling around the planet. In H.G. Wells's case, it was not Dakota Fanning and friends, but Steven Spielberg drew the high card on that one.

I'm of the opinion that the war of the worlds is happening right now as we speak, but in much more passive terms. We see it on TV with commercials featuring Justin Long and John Hodgman (nurrrr who?). We pass by billboards and posters of silhouetted individuals dancing to music from another room (or device), back lit by a bright monochrome facade. They've been here all along, but only in the recent past have they truly begun a surge that seems unstoppable. Apple products.

Before you get excited and/or let down (excited and let down?), this is not meant to be a comparison or analysis of Apple products and non-Apple products. I have had wretched luck with PCs in the past, and my first iPod met an untimely death this past summer, despite my innumerable attempts at resuscitation. Planned obsolescence is a fact of life in the technology industry, but sometimes we don't want to believe it. The future arrives when the powers that be think it's the most marketable. Opining about the speed of the iPhone's network aside, the aliens have landed, and from a smug person, they're pretty fucking smug, America.

Aliens? I thought this was about that Kristy Swanson sex scene in The Chase?

This is the culmination of several years of trips to Apple stores and seeing the same things and receiving the same treatment.

Upon entering the polished, luminescent surroundings of the store, I am immediately enchanted by the rows of people poking, prodding, clicking, pushing, listening, and so on. It's as though they have encountered some sort of hall of wonders, of things magnificent and wondrous, that only recently were but pieces of dreams. Everyone throughout the store is simultaneously mesmerized by all things Apple. Standing amidst the organized retail chaos are the employees of the Apple store, acting as guides through the sea of products whose unifying brand prides them on being intuitive and user-friendly. In actuality, the Apple wares are so user-friendly, the Apple personnel are superfluous and really just get in the way. I see enough smug assholes when I look in the mirror, I don't need them standing around, pontificating their own "awesomeness" while getting in my way in a store.

Yet, somehow, the good people of the world have not caught up with the future and the shiny new toys Apple cranks out on an almost aggravating basis (re: iPod touch hard drive expansion), and march to the tune of Pied Piper Steve Jobs over and over and over, to test out, but seemingly never buy, any Apple product whatsoever. I wonder why this is the case, really. The iPod has been out for seven years, and not much has changed. It's not like the Prius coming out right after the Model T. You can see these developments before they happen.
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Or, like the aliens in War of the Worlds, maybe you could not.

Writer's Bloc continues with its next installment, "Worse in Real Life," soon.