Please Don't Mention "Lightning Crashes"

Allow me to apologize in advance for the following "I went to work today" narrative. I went to work today.

Approaching the building for my very first day, I noticed an inordinate amount of people standing outside as if there was some sort of anthrax scare or a really bad fart had been released in the lobby. These weren't disgruntled smokers angry at years of prejudice heaped on them since the invention of secondhand smoke, nor were they Gideons attempting to hand out more pocket-sized copies of the New Testament.

What have they got against the Old Testament, anyway? Without it, the New Testament wouldn't have been such a best-selling sequel. Just saying. Gideons and the Marlboro Man aside, I noticed that not many people were going inside the building as 8:30 rapidly approached. Rather, everyone was standing about, playing Wii work with their Blackberries and Motorola Talkabouts. YEAH RIGHT! Look that one up for a guffaw or seventeen.

Those who did decide to amble up to the front doors did so with very pensive looks on their faces, as if they were Rick Moranis looking for Sigourney Weaver but without the special effects. Each successive person walked in and disappeared for a few moments, then returned in a manner that I thought might have been some tie-in with the new Nicole Kidman movie Remake This About Aliens or Whatever III. I tried not to show emotion as everyone walked stone-faced back to their cars. By that, I mean everyone said "Hell! I ain't goin' in!" and sped away. Still, I had no clue what had transpired. I didn't know people still went on strike, if that was the case. We are long past the days of the Triangle Shirtwaist Fire, you know. Rough first day.

Finally I decided to call someone on the inside. Otherwise the Mexican gentleman cutting the grass would've mistaken me for part of the sidewalk and blown clippings around my person with abandon. It turns out that

OHHH NAHW FEEYAIL AIT COMAINNNNN BAICK AGAYAIINNN
LIKE A ROHLLLAIN THUNDARRR CHAIISIN THE WEEEEEEYAIND

...the building was struck by lightning.

So they told me to go home. Maybe the sequel will sell better.